Life changes

I haven't blogged in forever. I actually considered giving it up. I don't have a lot of time to be on the computer with Kara running around and with the new baby on the way. For those of you that don't know, it's a BOY!!! I am super thrilled, but a little scared about his arrival. His name will be Caden. I had an ultrasound yesterday that was perfect! It was a big relief. He is due April 19th.

Now with the bad news....I have been in a life rut lately and don't see myself getting out of it too soon. I don't really want to go into detail about my situation, but I will say that the things that have been going on lately have been life changing. I have had to dig within myself to find out what it is that makes me happy and what I want out of life. I am still not there yet. I don't know all the answers. I do know that my children are the highlight of my life. I will do anything and everything to keep them happy and let them know how much they are loved. I pray they never have to endure the kind of pain and heartache that I have in my life. I guess that is every parent's hope. I am so thankful for them.

I feel very alone in this world. More alone than I ever have and it's very scary. I do have a good support system of family and friends, but no one that truly understands me or my situation. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way that people aren't always going to be there for you. Sometimes you think someone is your friend or that someone will love you forever despite your flaws. Untrue. Life is all about chances. We aren't guaranteed anything. I just wish I had been a little more knowing rather than in the dark. I'll know better in the future, right? Or will I just fall back into my old mistakes? It's hard to know. I do know that you can't make someone feel for you. I thought back on my life and realized that anyone that I ever loved still holds a place in my heart. I still love each and every one of those people. So how does love fade for some? It never has for me. I've never left anyone out in the cold, at least I hope not. Some of my friendships went on the back burner, but I have tried to keep in contact with all the ones that I truly cared about. Sure some people fade out of our lives over time, but we don't ever forget them or stop feeling for them. So where to go from here? I am still trying to figure that out.

I have been looking into what I want for my future. I am very interested in becoming an ultrasound tech. I've been interested in it since I was pregnant with Conner. Ultrasounds have always intrigued me. I have found a school in the local area that is a one year program. I am really excited at the idea of it, but I am not sure I will have the money or time to attend. It's quite pricey and the classes are Monday thru Friday from 8am to 4pm. Kind of hard for a mother of two small children. I have also heard there is a two year program at a local community college. It may be more my speed since I will have to work, attend school, and be a mother. The thought of having to be away from my babies is almost unbearable for me, but I need to be able to provide for them. Therefore I may have to sacrifice some time with them. With the economy down and no guarantee of a paycheck, it is super scary to me. Not knowing what the future holds is frightening, but I am trying to stay optimistic. We are now back in the states and life has changed a lot since I was here last. Things are more expensive, that's something I noticed right away. My biggest decision as of now is to decide where to live. As of now we are staying with my mom, but plan on finding a place of our own before Caden is born. I only have 13 weeks until I am due...time is running out. I am hoping that I will be enlightened in some way and will get some answers. Who knew deciding on a place to live could be so hard? I hope that all of you out there are having a great New Year. I pray that 2010 brings clarity, love, and happiness to us all.

Pregnancy update....

First, I apologize for not blogging in a while. I had a bad time with morning sickness (more like ALL day sickness) that kept me on the couch for a few weeks. Luckily that has started to subside, I am now 11 weeks pregnant, making my due date April 22nd. Everything went well at the doctors, where I got an ultrasound and heard the heartbeat (160 bpm). I have another ultrasound scheduled for November 9th where we should find out the sex of the baby. Speaking of, I took an at home test to determine what the baby will be and it said BOY! I know it's not 100 % accurate, more like 82%, but it still was fun to do. Here's a few pics I have to share.....Not the best ultrasound pic, since I no longer have a scanner. Sorry!

Can't wait to see if this true or not. Either way I am happy, as long as it's a healthy baby!

A pic of my little bitty bump, taken two days ago, can you see it?

Big Sister

It's true, I am expecting! Not sure on a due date yet. I am hoping to see a doctor in the next few weeks. I will keep you updated! We are so excited!

New furniture

I am so excited that Nick and I finally decided (we've been thinking on it for over a year now)that we would get a new bedroom set. We didn't necessarily need one, but this one is just GORGEOUS! It is fancier and nicer than anything we have ever owned (although our entertainment center is pretty close). We are also upgrading from a queen to a king size bed. Nick says I hog the bed too much, hee hee! It is better to get it here because we don't have to pay taxes on it and it just happens to be 15% off right now. *SMILE* We are also getting the nightstands and dresser. I am still debating on the chest, because it is so expensive. The tops of the nightstands and dresser are marble and the drawers are lined with black velvet. The bed has four post that go to the ceiling that have roses and vines carved in them. SO PRETTY! Talk about feeling like royalty. I have always dreamed of being a princess and now I will feel like one in my beautiful room. I am still in search of a comforter. I have changed my mind about doing the light green/blue room for us. Nick didn't really like those colors, so now I figure I will build around what ever comforter I happen to find. We also found some end tables and coffee table for our living room with marble tops. I really like marble tops, can't you tell? I like it because it is easy to clean. Anything that is easy to clean (and pretty) is right up my alley. So I know you are wanting to see these beauties so here they are ....

What do you think?

Okinawan grocery store

Yesterday I couldn't wait any longer to venture off base for some fresh veggies and fruit. I have been wanting to go to Naval Kadena and the Farmer's market for a while now. And to make things better I remembered my camera! I didn't take any pics at the Farmer's market because it was so crowded/busy... maybe next time! The grocery store that I went to is actually pretty small, but still fun. I took as many pictures as I felt comfortable taking. Most of the time the locals were looking at me like I was insane. I guess it would be weird to see someone taking pictures in the grocery store. But anyway, here you go...

Here is what you see when you first walk in. Looks normal, right? Well if you walk past the fruit/veggies you find this stuff. I have no earthly idea what this stuff is. It all looks really weird and being the picky person I am, I have no intention of trying ANY of it!

Here is some of the meat, which has a lot more selections than you would ever find in say an Albertson's. But keep in mind that the Japanese love fish and all sorts of meat, where Americans tend to be a bit more selective. Speaking of fish...here are some whole ones in their freezer section. I gaged a little just taking the pic, but thought you might like to see it. (Did I mention I HATE seafood?)

I can't even begin to tell you what this might be, maybe some type of seaweed? All I know is that it looks D.I.S.G.U.S.T.I.N.G

Now for a few things that you might recognize. These are bags of rice, LARGE bags. I don't think there are little bags of rice in this store. Which makes sense, because the Okinawans use a lot of rice. Sticky rice is what the Americans here call it. It is different than the rice we have in the US, much more well stickier. YUM!

I had to take a picture of his for my father-in-law. He loves Mountain Dew and will be glad to know it's even in Japan. The bottles are slightly different and a bit smaller than a two liter bottle.

Fun at the pool

Lately we have been going to the local pool 2-3 times a week. At first Kara was unsure of the water, but now she is putting her face in the water and kicking her feet. She loves the pool! When I tell her we are going there she gets so excited! We will be so sad when it closes down in September. It's hot here until at least October if not November!!! Oh well, we plan to enjoy it while it last. Is anyone else out there enjoying some pool time?Kara and mommy loving the swimming pool! Notice the cool water slide behind us. I still haven't tried it, maybe this weekend.

Daddy was trying to get her to swim on her back, but she's still a little leery of that.

Kicking her feet in the water! YAHOO!

Attack of the ants (and a spider), YIKES!!!

Being that Nick was on leave this past week, we decided that a camping trip was a must. Why we decided to do this in the middle of the hot, humid Okinawa summer is beyond me. We both came to question this later. So on Wednesday, after he reenlisted five more years of our life to the military, we packed our little bitty car to the max and away we went.

Life was good as we traveled for almost two hours to the campsite. We got there and got set up pretty quickly. We only intended to stay one night, but it was still exciting!

The campsite is right on the beach so we decided to go take a swim to cool down. Kara was so excited that she took off toward the water. She usually is kind of skid dish about water, but we've been taking her to the pool a few times a week to get her used to it. She was so excited and you can see that excitement in the pictures.

After we swam, I went to look for shells, while Kara tried to drink some of her daddy's Monster energy drink. That's all we need is a hyped up Kara, she has enough energy on a normal day! I tried to get Kara into looking for shells with me, but she wasn't having it. I was sure missing Maddy at this point, she was always down with shell hunting with me. I found some pretty cool ones to add to my collection. Maddy would be proud!

Dinner time was near so I began grilling the potatoes and corn, we also had steak, YUM! I was surprised how good the potatoes were on the grill. I had never tried cooking them that way before. While eating dinner we noticed some ants on the table, so we had to kind of rush our eating (hence the lack of pic of our food), but it was still very tastee.

Kara and I went and checked out the little park that was near our campsite. She was so funny on the slide, she just likes to sit on it. She also is getting pretty good at climbing the stairs and bridges. She will go a little bit and look back like, "Come on, Mom!"

After dinner, we blew bubbles and then went to watch the sunset. It was so pretty and relaxing to watch. We also enjoyed looking through all the coral for shells! Luckily we had a nice ending to the day because the night had some surprises in store for us....

After the sunset, we got Kara ready for bed. She fought me until her daddy came into the tent and calmed her down. She was out like a light for him in minutes. It always happens that way. So Nick and I made a little fire and roasted some marshmallows. I would have taken pictures, but my camera's battery was dead at that point. It was the first time I ever used this camera, so I had no idea on the battery life. My new camera is really cool being that it is waterproof!!! But on with the story. Not too long after we ate our marshmallows, Kara woke up. It was very hot outside and she was sweating so bad. It was around 9:30 so Nick and I laid down with her. She was so hot and upset that Nick took her to the car to cool down. I stayed in the tent while they were in the car. I looked over and saw a HUGE spider on the side of the tent. We're talking about the size of my fist people. No joke! I wasn't sure if it was inside the tent or not. As Nick was coming back into the tent, I could barely talk to tell him to turn the lamp on. I was so freaked out. Turns out it was inside our tent. My husband was a trooper and killed that massive thing. I wish I could have taken a pic of it to show you, but I was way too horrified to think of anything other than creepy crawling things. When we finally got over the shock of that we tried sleeping again. Kara was still resisting, with the help of the men that decided to play basketball right outside our tent at 10pm. At this point none of us were happy campers. We were hot, we were tired, we wanted peace and quiet. So Nick took Kara to the car once again to cool and calm her down. This time I decided I was so hot I would make myself a little ice pack to sleep with. I then saw that ants had invaded our ice chest. They were EVERYWHERE! It irritated me, but I tried not to focus on it too much. I. NEEDED. SLEEP. Finally at around 10:30-11:00 I think we all dosed off. It was a rough night with the heat and my not wanting to walk to the bathroom that was forever away. We awoke at around 6:30 am to find that our tent had also been invaded by ants. Luckily they weren't on us or our bed, but the rest of our tent was covered. YUCK!!!! We were fed up with the craziness so we cleaned everything out and packed our little car up. We were home by 9:15am and took a nice nap that day. I think we have learned our lesson about camping. DON"T do it during the hot summer or on a rainy day. Ha ha!

POSITIVE thinking!

According to my MIL's blog it was POSITIVE thinking day yesterday. Being that I am on a different time zone, I am just going to go with today being POSITIVE thinking day for me. A young girl came up with this idea, which is really exciting! I love the thought of doing a post that is entirely (well almost) POSITIVE. If you are feeling happy (or down) and want to read others POSITIVE thoughts then just click on http://dustbunnyhostage.com/. There you can read other posts and find out how this day got established.

On with the POSITIVE talk....Let me first say that POSITIVE has not been in my house lately. It started with the death of my sister-in-laws husband. It was tragic and very sad. He was only 26 years old. This got my husband thinking that death may be just around the corner for him. I mean heck, we are 28 years old, already older than Russ ever made it in life!!! As soon as we got back from the funeral, we celebrated our daughter's 1st birthday (which was a happy time). But that was also the start of several TDY's for my husband. There was no down time for him to truly grieve or come to terms with it. It became a dark time in our lives, being that several things also came up. I won't go into detail, for the details don't really matter, but it was a hard time. Truth is that it's still a hard time, but this week has been better. Nick has been home on leave and we have had time to hang out and reflect on a lot of things. I have been a POSITIVE thinker most of my life, and refuse to let the negative things to get me down anymore. There are so many POSITIVE things in my life right now that I would like to share with you. The number one POSITIVE thing in my life is my daughter. She is the happiest child! It's hard not to be happy around her because she's so happy and full of life. We tried for a long time to have a child and were blessed with an amazing little girl. She is absolutely breathtaking! Secondly, my husband and I just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. The odds have never been in our favor so this is a huge accomplishment! We had a couple's massage, nice dinner and lunch, and watched a movie at the theater (Harry Potter). It was the first time that we have left Kara with a sitter for us to go and do something together. It was much needed, and I think we may do it more often. More good news is that we will be PCSing in Feb./March of next year. We have missed the states so much and are so happy to returning soon. This week has been filled with talk of houses, decorating, and furniture for our future! We are also keeping POSITIVE that we will end up back in Florida, which is near Maddy, my family, and friends! Nick has even agreed to try to hang out with (and get to know)my friends and their husbands! This is a super HUGE deal to me. Nick has come out of his shell so much since being in Okinawa. He has learned that having friends is fun and vital in life!! We have been spending a lot of time at the local pool, which is so stress free and fun. I also enjoy having a tan from doing so!!! We are trying to appreciate the time we do have left here and make the best of it. In November, we have a trip to Tokyo Disney planned!!! I can't tell you how trilled I am about this. I love Disney! The thought of going to Disney in Japan is just so exciting. The memories we have to make!! It gets me all happy inside. Speaking of... FALL is always a happy time for me and it's just around the corner. There is something about the crispness that the air brings when the temperatures start to drop. Thinking about it gets my heart all a flutter!! YAHOO! So there you have it just a few reasons why I am feeling POSITIVE today. I will end this with my most favorite (and a little cheesy) quote: When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade!!!

Where is the meaning in things?

Recent events in my life have caused me to think about things, a lot of things. So while lost in these thoughts I have started to wonder why people do the things they do. Why is it that we usually throw out "love ya" instead of "I love you"? Are we really so lazy we can't say the full phrase? I may be a little silly in saying this, but doesn't "love ya" sound kind of dull and less meaningful than "I love you"? I think most people I exchange these words with say only "love ya". It was brought to my attention the other day when my mom actually said all three words to me. Not that I have ever doubted her love for me, but she usually just says "love ya" or we don't say it at all at the end of our conversations. It actually made me feel really good when she said it. It meant more to me for some reason. Which brings me to my next thought. Why are people such creatures of habit? You know, everyday my husband kisses me goodbye before he leaves for work and goodnight every night. What's the problem you ask? The problem is that this is a habit, not something he does because he is feeling romantic or loving. Not that I don't enjoy him kissing me, I do, but I miss the times he would kiss me for no reason at all. What happened to those kisses? What happened to the "I missed you so much that I want to kiss you right now" or the "I am so attracted to you I want to show you" kisses? Sure there are times my husband will kiss me other than the usual two times a day, but usually it's because he wants something more (you know what I mean). I look at teenagers and feel envious of them. Silly I know. But don't you remember when kissing was all you did, so you did it often and it had so much meaning? Sometimes I wish my husband and I would make out like teenagers and it could end there. Not that I don't enjoy the other things that usually happen with our make out sessions, but we have a one year old and there isn't always time for that. Where is the spontaneity? Does anyone else wonder these things? I know I am not entirely alone in these thoughts because my BFF (April) said she feels the same way. My main reason for posting this is to get some insight on why people think things get this way. Do you feel that habits can make things lose meaning? Do you thing saying "love ya" after every phone conversation can make it lose meaning? I have so much more I could go on and on with this topic but I don't want to bore you to tears so I will stop for now.....tomorrow I maybe back on my soapbox. LOL Stay tuned!

A girl and her monkey

Kara loves her George so much! He is her best friend, that goes everywhere she goes. I actually managed to give him a much needed bath the other night, while she was sleeping. She didn't even miss him because I returned him as soon as she woke up. You have to be sneaking with things like this. He is in most of the pictures I take of her lately, but the top one of this post is by far the sweetest and most precious one!