Sunday, January 13, 2008

Do you ever wonder... why me??

So another interesting appointment to the doc today. I saw my regular OB, Dr. Cummings(previously referred to as Bozo), for a normal appointment. It started out with talking about my ear problem. I have yet to blog the craziness I have dealt with about my ear. On Christmas day I got a terrible ear ache that was accompanied with a full feeling in my right ear. I thought maybe it would subside, but almost a month later I am still dealing with that full feeling. I have been to the doctor a few times concerning this problem and have been put on every medication possible, from Claritin to Antibiotics. The doctor I saw told me that I didn't have any fluid, scarring, or inflammation in my ear, that maybe I am suffering from a collapsing ear syndrome or maybe it's a symptom of this pregnancy. Now this woman was very nice and kind but I thought she may be a little out of the loop on how to diagnose anything dealing with my ear. (Which turns out I was right!!) So today Dr. Cumming looks in my ear and what do you know he finds fluid in it. So he told me to start taking my Sudafed more often and keep up with the antibiotics. I am also supposed to make an appointment with an ENT specialist just to make sure the problem isn't more than the fluid. So it was nice to finally get that settled.

However the fun didn't end there. He asked me if I had been experiencing any fluid loss, bleeding, or contractions. I said everything was fine but that I get braxton hicks everyday. He was very concerned that I am getting them that often and asked me to describe them to him. So I did and turns out he believes they are a bit more serious than braxton hicks, therefore he wanted to check my cervix. WHAT??? HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I knew that I had it done before but I was in labor then and was already in pain so I didn't pay much attention. He replied, "I will have to put my hand in your vagina. It's really not that bad." Oh really is that all doc, just what I wanted today. He kept telling me not to worry it's not that big of a deal. It seems doctors always say this to me until they actually get there hand in there per se. I had get in frog position with my feet put up next to each other and then put my fists under my bottom before he could even begin to get close to my cervix. Yes, he tried numerous times before I got to that position. Relax he kept telling me. Yeah you have someone stick their hand up your pee pee hole and try to relax dude. You are quite flexible he tells me. "Hey, I am not looking for compliments right now doc!!!" So finally he gets to it and it was closed, thank God. Apparently because I have a down turned uterus it has moved up and over my cervix therefore making it very difficult to get to. I already knew this because every doctor tells me things like this. "Wow I've never seen someone as hard to get to as you" or "Your cervix is unusually far back" are some of my favorites. Just what I always wanted a one of a kind cervix that amazes everyone. My goodness!!

So I also talked to him about getting monitored (the doc I saw about my ear said I would be going once a week starting my 27 week mark) and he said he's not planning on putting me through that. If I have any contractions that make me feel uneasy to come straight to the labor and delivery and they would check me out. If Kara tries to make her way out too early then they will put her on steroids (and me on Progesterone) to help her be okay at birth. So I feel happy that they have a plan to help her. However during our conversation he brought up Conner's birth. He wanted to know some details like when I delivered and if he was a stillborn or not. He was like he died in utero right? No, he didn't I told him. But it says he was stillborn. Yes I know what it says but then I told him about his three heartbeats. He looked at me and shook his head, then he wasn't stillborn. I told him he wasn't but for some reason they labeled him that way. He said he had to go by what the paperwork said. I guess I got that look in my eyes and he apologized for bringing it up. I told him it was okay, but that it was a sore subject because they were wrong. I wish that I could have that subject come up and it wouldn't still get me angry but it does. All I wanted was a birth certificate saying that Conner was on this earth and he did exist. I know a piece of paper doesn't matter to the people that count but it's frustrating that to the government he didn't. Another reason it angered me is because had he been issued one, the military would have given us money to help bury him. Instead we had to get our parents to pay for it, which bothers both Nick and me to this day. We didn't want them to have to pay for that, it was right near the holidays and a hard time for money. However we will be eternally grateful for their help. That's what parents do they help their children no matter what. I wish I could have done something to help Conner. Why couldn't he have been given all the options that I am getting for Kara now? I had asked them to give Conner steroids to help his lung development but they said it wouldn't help. Oh the anger I feel.


Brenda said...

Thanks dear, I wanted to tell you to go to my page and look down a few blogs and see my daughter April. She just found out she is exspecting in Aug. and started her blog. Iyt maybe nice to have someone to talk with.

Sandi McBride said...

You know, you are so strong and I know you will only get stronger...I think about you and how happy you are going to be come May...and how lucky Kara is going to be...if you need anything, please let us know
Aunt Sandi

Kari (GrannySkywalker) said...

Just a quick comment to say that us helping to pay for Conner's burial was a privilege. We'll never ever get to shower him with gifts for his birthdays or for Christmas or for anything. Being able to insure that his precious little body is laid to rest in comfort, surrounded by things from his family, is the only gift we, his grandparents, will ever be able to give him on this earth. So thinking that it caused a hardship on us for any reason whatsoever is just wrong. It would have cost us much more than money had we not been allowed and able to gift him with that service. I know your mom and Frank feel the same way. We don't think of it as having been a hardship. We think of it as being the one and only thing we were able to give to Conner personally, besides our love. You can't take that away from us by feeling bad about it, please. I think all of us - me, Randey, your mom and Frank - needed to do it, just to help us from feeling worthless during the saddest time of our children's lives. So no more talk like that, okay???
Love you -

Anonymous said...

Thank you Kari for saying just what I was thinking. We love Conner and would have done anything for him. That includes you, nick, maddy and Sesame. love mom

JanaBanana said...

Hi :) Im dropping in from your MIL's blog.. I see we are both due with baby girls in May :)
Im almost 22 weeks... congrats to you!!

Sandi McBride said...

Okay other Baby Girl...hope you are feeling well and just taking a little blog break~! Hurry back, I'm missing you

Aunt Sandi

Sandi McBride said...

its a darn good thing your chart keeps up with're getting lazy baby girl...or is your delightful company there? Is that it? I hope so!!!
love to all
Aunt Sandi

Kari (GrannySkywalker) said...

Jodie, the comments link is missing off of your latest post. Did you do that on purpose? If not, go back into "edit posts", click on the latest post and then click where it says "Post Options" in blue (I think) on the left hand side. That will open up the bottom and there's a "reader comments" on the left where you can click on either "allow" or "don't allow".

Talk to you soon!