Friday, January 4, 2008

What is this world coming to?

So a few days ago I go over to my mother in law's blog to read a story that just made me think, a whole lot!! It was about her 11 year old niece calling her fat and a pig. Now if you had ever seen my mother in law you would know she's not fat or a pig!! It really bothers me how children (and some adults) are these days. Sure she may have been trying to be funny, but whatever happened to thinking before we speak? Apparently that saying has been thrown out the window. I hear more and more stories of people saying things that are entirely inappropriate and hurtful to others. Why do people do this? To build themselves up? Who ever learned that tearing someone else down would build you up? Do you not have a conscience? I come from a family full of people that are considered overweight. Therefore any situations dealing with hurt feelings over name calling about this subject hits home. I believe it has a lot to do with our society today. We are made to believe that if you aren't a size 2 you need to shape up and slim down. But the worst part is the people who are that small are never satisfied with themselves either. I know this because I was once a size 2 and I still felt I was fat. I looked in the mirror and saw all the things about my body that I wanted to fix, not the things that were fabulous. Before my pregnancy I wore between a 4 and 6, at which I still felt fat. All the women in Hollywood make women with curves (like me) feel shame for having them. Wasn't it not too long ago considered a good thing to have curves and more than skin stretched over bones? I just don't get it. The funny part is as small as I have been in my life there are still people that have made comments to me like, "Hey are your hips getting wider?" People need to realize that these are hurtful to others. What was the point of saying that? Do you think it will make me feel better or are you just vengeful? Another thing that bothers me is when a woman is pregnant and people say, "Are you sure there's only one in there?" As if it isn't enough that your body is going through a total transformation. I also remember another time that I got me feelings hurt over some comments that were made. It was last Thanksgiving (2006) and we went to our friend's house for dinner. Another couple was over there with their 3 healthy children. All evening long the couple kept making comments about how Nick and I don't know this or that because we don't have children. Nick informed them that we did have children but they weren't with us. They still kept on. Later in the conversation Nick was talking about Maddy and the woman asked, "Who is Maddy? your niece?" "No, she's my daughter," he told her. It was like they liked making it a point of saying that we didn't have children. What they didn't know was that just the year before on that same day we had buried our son. It was a hard day already and they kept on with the comments. I was ready to scream. Sure they didn't know our circumstances but why go on and on about something when you don't know the reason behind it? I now realize that they were just clueless as to how that could hurt someone. I do believe that some people aren't trying to hurt others. I know this is true because I made a fool of myself not too long ago. My commander's wife was talking about having children and how she just didn't think if was meant for her. She did say that she loved children and being 35 was running out of time. So I simply said, "If you want them then you should have them don't wait any longer, you don't want to regret it down the line." She then told me that she had been trying and had just suffered her 3rd miscarriage a couple of weeks prior. I had no clue, but I still felt foolish. So I wrote her a long email the next day apologizing. It may seem a bit extreme to some people, but being that I have been in similar situations, I wanted her to know I didn't mean to cause her pain. There is no way to know how some things you say will be taken. Sometimes it is just a thought you have or something you don't thing will bother the other person. However comments like name calling or telling someone they have put on weight is a given hurtful thing to do. So before you do this please think of how you would feel if it were being said to you. It's something we should teach our children to. Okay I am off my soapbox.... for now!!!!


Sandi McBride said...

We always were told to put our brain in gear before we put our mouth in couldn't be more true today! I was pretty p o'ed over the comments that Sissy had to endure...not being a size 2 or ever having been a size 6, more of a 12 and right now a 16...I don't care what people think about me as long as I like myself and Uncle Wallace has no's a puzzle how people are, no upbringing it seems. You're a good girl...think we'll keep you
Aunt Sandi

Kari (GrannySkywalker) said...

Aw - thanks for the support. I know that having my feelings hurt like that was nothing compared to how you and Nick felt that Thanksgiving, though. I remember you telling us about it. Some people really don't stop to think, do they? If a person would just pay the least little bit of attention sometimes, they'd know better than to speak about things that they know nothing about. Anyone looking at you and Nick would be able to tell how much you both love children. And they should have known that it was obvious it wasn't by choice that you didn't have children with you at that time. Some people just don't think before they speak. I've been guilty of it, too. I think sending the e-mail to that woman was a good thing to do. I applaud anyone who trys to make up for saying something hurtful, no matter how unintentional it may have been. I'm sure it meant alot to her to hear from you like that. It would have mattered to me, anyhow. :)

Sandi McBride said...

Just checking in to see how you're doing...we've had a day full of needed rain, and hopefully we'll be getting more tonight! Hope your day is going great
Aunt Sandi