Where is the meaning in things?

Recent events in my life have caused me to think about things, a lot of things. So while lost in these thoughts I have started to wonder why people do the things they do. Why is it that we usually throw out "love ya" instead of "I love you"? Are we really so lazy we can't say the full phrase? I may be a little silly in saying this, but doesn't "love ya" sound kind of dull and less meaningful than "I love you"? I think most people I exchange these words with say only "love ya". It was brought to my attention the other day when my mom actually said all three words to me. Not that I have ever doubted her love for me, but she usually just says "love ya" or we don't say it at all at the end of our conversations. It actually made me feel really good when she said it. It meant more to me for some reason. Which brings me to my next thought. Why are people such creatures of habit? You know, everyday my husband kisses me goodbye before he leaves for work and goodnight every night. What's the problem you ask? The problem is that this is a habit, not something he does because he is feeling romantic or loving. Not that I don't enjoy him kissing me, I do, but I miss the times he would kiss me for no reason at all. What happened to those kisses? What happened to the "I missed you so much that I want to kiss you right now" or the "I am so attracted to you I want to show you" kisses? Sure there are times my husband will kiss me other than the usual two times a day, but usually it's because he wants something more (you know what I mean). I look at teenagers and feel envious of them. Silly I know. But don't you remember when kissing was all you did, so you did it often and it had so much meaning? Sometimes I wish my husband and I would make out like teenagers and it could end there. Not that I don't enjoy the other things that usually happen with our make out sessions, but we have a one year old and there isn't always time for that. Where is the spontaneity? Does anyone else wonder these things? I know I am not entirely alone in these thoughts because my BFF (April) said she feels the same way. My main reason for posting this is to get some insight on why people think things get this way. Do you feel that habits can make things lose meaning? Do you thing saying "love ya" after every phone conversation can make it lose meaning? I have so much more I could go on and on with this topic but I don't want to bore you to tears so I will stop for now.....tomorrow I maybe back on my soapbox. LOL Stay tuned!

Something I don't understand

It seems lately I've had two instances where I have had to think about the following subject and truth is I just don't get why people do what they do(myself included). What I am talking about is why Hollywood (and many other people)choose to make fun of the mentally handicap. They don't chose to be born that way, they can't do ANYTHING to change it so why use them as a target? It all started with the new movie that's out called Tropic Thunder. I had heard about the controversy on the television and just flipped the channel (not wanting to get involved in that mess, thinking I would never see the movie). Then I went to another blogger site and read some of the quotes from the movie. She was rather appalled being that she has a mentally handicap daughter. Who could really blame her for being offended? Her daughter is one of many helpless people that are being hurt by the quotes of the movie. Now I haven't seen the movie, therefore I don't know what exactly it's all about. However I do know someone close to me that saw it and said that it's supposed to be making fun of how Hollywood is, rather than the mentally handicap, and that it was a rather funny movie. My husband and I own quite a few movies like this, that have some inappropriate phrases in them. We of course laugh at them and don't think on how it may effect some people's lives. Some of the one liners from this particular movie however struck me the wrong way. For instance, "Once upon a time there was a R****d" and "you went full R****d, never go full R****d". Although the movie was made to show how silly some actors/actresses can be, I don't believe they should have used these lines. It is just plain disrespectful and aren't what made the movie funny. The person I know that watched it said without these phrases it would have been even funnier. So there you have it, Hollywood made a HUGE mistake. They've done before and sadly they will do it again. Truth is I grew up in the time where calling someone a R****d or saying they were acting R****ded was just an every day occurrence. I will admit that I too joined in on the fun. This is not some thing I am proud of, actually something I am deeply ashamed of. Society has made it to where it is acceptable to use that word as just an everyday word and it's just flat out embarrassing. I try my best not use the word because I had a mentally handicap brother( he died at 15 months, I was 3 years old at the time). My mother would get highly offended when people would say that word. I am surprised she didn't slap the fool out of me when she would hear me say it. Instead she explained to me that it wasn't something I should be saying, because by doing so I was belittling my brother. Talk about a hit in the gut. Who wants to realize that something you've been using in your everyday slander is against your dead brother? To be honest it was a struggle for a long time to remove it from my vocabulary (and occasionally I still slip up). Now you may think I am blaming it all on society, but I know that it was my mouth that used the word. Therefore I have to take responsibility for my own mishaps and be a better person than I was then. I feel by admitting my mistakes to all of you I am saying I am sorry to my brother and to all the other helpless people out there like him. None of you deserve to be belittled or taught so unkindly. Which brings me to the most appalling thing I have come across in a very long time. So the other night I went and rented George Lopez:Why you crying? I have been watching the George Lopez show for a few months ( and even bought seasons 1 & 2 on DVD) now on Nickelodeon at night and it's pretty funny. There's usually a good message at the end of every show kind of thing. So I was pretty excited to find a stand up act from him at the video store. It was going pretty good until he got to talking about how Latinos hide their family members if they are, how did he put it...."special needs." The only descent thing he had to say was that he respects white people for including their "special needs" relatives in the family. He started talking about a friend he had that had a "special needs" brother that they hid in the back room. He happened to walk into the room and saw him and yelled in horror. Then he started making gestures with his hands, feet, and face mocking what the brother looked like. As if that weren't' enough he made fun of the "special needs" people in wheelchairs that can go like 5 miles an hour. I was so APPALLED at this. Why? I mean really why would you do that? Again I am going to blame it on society. I lost every ounce of respect I have for that man. There was no denying it he was flat out making fun of the mentally handicap people of this world. They can't help they way they are and to make fun of the way they look and act was just heartbreaking. Really it was, especially realizing that I had done the same thing in my past. The funny thing about it was he couldn't keep up with the joke because not many people were laughing (good for them). So he changed the subject. It's not funny to do that. It's not funny to make fun of people for something they can't change. I hope that when he goes back and watches his DVD he will realize how wrong he was. I can't say that I will forever hate George Lopez for this. People make mistakes. We do terrible things that we can't take back. I recall in middle school a phrase all the kids used, "dur de dur de dur" while hitting their chest with a down turned hand. Where did we all learn that that was acceptable? Thinking back on it now I know how terrible it was of all of us. If only I could go back and time and undo all those things I did. I just pray that I didn't ever do it in the presence of someone that didn't deserve that kind of treatment and took it to heart. Tonight I am truly truly embarrassed not only for myself but for the generation I grew up with. We were all so very wrong.

Just call me "CLUELESS!"

So I spent about an hour this morning looking at blogs on my mother in law's favorites list. I found some that I think I might enjoy revisting. While looking through all these glorious sites, I find myself feeling clueless. Everyone seems to have their own homemade backgrounds with all kinds of cool side bar things, while I am sitting here with a plain pink template made by blogger itself. How do you guys learn how to do this stuff? I feel totally out of the loop. I even saw a lilac purple background on one. Yes, I was a bit envious. Not only did I feel shamed with my own background, but with the running of my blog. All of these bloggers have cool recipes, craft projects, and home decor, while I sit with plain everything. Man, I feel like a loser now. How do people find the time for all these extravagant crafts and baked goods? You wouldn't believe some of the Easter treats people made. WOW! All I can say is kudos to all you talented people. Are you willing to share?

Needing advice

Okay so being that I have never raised a baby I am a little clueless on what all I need. I have compiled a list of the things I already have. Therefore I am asking all you mothers out there to advise me on what else I need to buy.

0-3 Months:

25 sleepers

11 newborn onesies

14 0-3 months onesies

5 outfits

2 shirts

6 pair of pants

3-6 Months:

7 sleepers

9 onesies

8 outfits

1 shirt

2 pair of pants

1 pair of shorts

6-9 Months:

2 sleepers

11 onesies

10 outfits

2 shirts

1 pair of pants


I have 12 month clothes too but I figure by then I will know what I do and don't need. I also made a list of the other things I have.

16 bibs

7 hats

15 burp cloths

12 blankets

6 recieveing blankets

6 pacifiers (newborn and stage 1)

2 pair of slippers

8 pair of booties

29 pair of socks (from newborn up to 9 months)

2 robes (they say 0-9 months)

2 crib sheets

4 pair of newborn shoes ( I have shoes ranging up to size 4)

1 pack of 40 newborn diapers

1 pack of 60 size 1 diapers

1 large pack of baby wipes

1 nail clipper

10 bottles

1 bottle cleaner

2 containers to put formula in for on the go

3 baby towels

10 baby washclothes

1 baby brush and comb

baby book

strollers (both regular and jogging)

car seat

swing

crib

diaper changing table

rocker




Okay so that's about it. I know that I will of course need more diapers and wipes. I have also been told to buy more crib sheets. I know I will get some things I need at my shower (March 1) so I am waiting until after that to buy much more. Although the baby sale here is at the end of the month so I am going to buy my pack n play then. So anyway, if you have any advice, please let me know. I hope you all have a nice weekend.

A shy little girl....

Okay so Nick and I were very anxious to find out if the baby was a girl or boy for sure so I went and got another 4D done. I wasn't going to do it and just wait for my appointment on Monday, but Nick insisted. He said it was worth the extra $50 to not be wondering anymore. He had to stay home to study (he tested for tech on Thursday, keep your fingers crossed) while I went. When I got there I told the girl my main reason for coming was to find out the sex of the baby. She looked and said that it may be a girl but the legs were too close together. We tried to shaker her around so she would move them, but she wouldn't budge. She called in another nurse to look, who couldn't tell either. Finally they called the Japanese doctor in and he said "Girl, girl!!!" I asked him if he was sure and he said he was. So there you have it, she is a girl. I was happy that it didn't change because I have all the girl clothes and ideas of how to do her nursery bouncing around in my head. It would have been hard to convert everything to a boy this late in the game, but it could have been done. I am just so thankful and excited to know for sure. I can't wait to see my sweet baby Kara. Only a few months until I can hold her in my arms.

What is this world coming to?

So a few days ago I go over to my mother in law's blog to read a story that just made me think, a whole lot!! It was about her 11 year old niece calling her fat and a pig. Now if you had ever seen my mother in law you would know she's not fat or a pig!! It really bothers me how children (and some adults) are these days. Sure she may have been trying to be funny, but whatever happened to thinking before we speak? Apparently that saying has been thrown out the window. I hear more and more stories of people saying things that are entirely inappropriate and hurtful to others. Why do people do this? To build themselves up? Who ever learned that tearing someone else down would build you up? Do you not have a conscience? I come from a family full of people that are considered overweight. Therefore any situations dealing with hurt feelings over name calling about this subject hits home. I believe it has a lot to do with our society today. We are made to believe that if you aren't a size 2 you need to shape up and slim down. But the worst part is the people who are that small are never satisfied with themselves either. I know this because I was once a size 2 and I still felt I was fat. I looked in the mirror and saw all the things about my body that I wanted to fix, not the things that were fabulous. Before my pregnancy I wore between a 4 and 6, at which I still felt fat. All the women in Hollywood make women with curves (like me) feel shame for having them. Wasn't it not too long ago considered a good thing to have curves and more than skin stretched over bones? I just don't get it. The funny part is as small as I have been in my life there are still people that have made comments to me like, "Hey are your hips getting wider?" People need to realize that these are hurtful to others. What was the point of saying that? Do you think it will make me feel better or are you just vengeful? Another thing that bothers me is when a woman is pregnant and people say, "Are you sure there's only one in there?" As if it isn't enough that your body is going through a total transformation. I also remember another time that I got me feelings hurt over some comments that were made. It was last Thanksgiving (2006) and we went to our friend's house for dinner. Another couple was over there with their 3 healthy children. All evening long the couple kept making comments about how Nick and I don't know this or that because we don't have children. Nick informed them that we did have children but they weren't with us. They still kept on. Later in the conversation Nick was talking about Maddy and the woman asked, "Who is Maddy? your niece?" "No, she's my daughter," he told her. It was like they liked making it a point of saying that we didn't have children. What they didn't know was that just the year before on that same day we had buried our son. It was a hard day already and they kept on with the comments. I was ready to scream. Sure they didn't know our circumstances but why go on and on about something when you don't know the reason behind it? I now realize that they were just clueless as to how that could hurt someone. I do believe that some people aren't trying to hurt others. I know this is true because I made a fool of myself not too long ago. My commander's wife was talking about having children and how she just didn't think if was meant for her. She did say that she loved children and being 35 was running out of time. So I simply said, "If you want them then you should have them don't wait any longer, you don't want to regret it down the line." She then told me that she had been trying and had just suffered her 3rd miscarriage a couple of weeks prior. I had no clue, but I still felt foolish. So I wrote her a long email the next day apologizing. It may seem a bit extreme to some people, but being that I have been in similar situations, I wanted her to know I didn't mean to cause her pain. There is no way to know how some things you say will be taken. Sometimes it is just a thought you have or something you don't thing will bother the other person. However comments like name calling or telling someone they have put on weight is a given hurtful thing to do. So before you do this please think of how you would feel if it were being said to you. It's something we should teach our children to. Okay I am off my soapbox.... for now!!!!

What to buy?

So I know it's only August but here I am thinking of what to buy people for Christmas. I know it's crazy, but I've always been like that. I think I must have got it from my mother, she always shops early. I really like buying presents for Christmas, it's like I get a little high off of it. However, when it comes to buying for men in the family I am terrible. I never know what to buy them. I always want to get something that people will like and enjoy. It seems to me that men are mostly into the really expensive things that I can't afford to buy them. Sure I could get them some cologne, a hat, or a nice coffee mug, but you can only buy someone so much of that. So is it only me that has a hard time with this or do others share my troubles? I would hate to be stereotyping men, so correct me if I am wrong. Luckily my husband is into some things that I can let everyone know he likes (superheroes) but I know sometimes he's even hard to buy for. Why do I torture myself so early with this, it's a curse and a blessing all at the same time. I need to go look at that Lakeside catalog again and see what I can come up with.