Sunday, July 6, 2008

The dreaded day has come

So after weeks of dreading this day, it has come and gone. Today I watched my husband leave for yet another deployment. This is his 7th one, I believe, in the last nine years. Granted I haven't been around for those full nine years, only six, but it has been a long road. I hate every time he leaves. No, it doesn't get any easier, if anything it gets harder. I used to never worry about him when he was gone. I danced around in my little happy world where everything was wonderful. Sad to say, life has changed me in to somewhat of a pessimist. I am now worried. Worried that something will happen to him, that he will be there longer than he was told, and worse that he won't return. I hate that I have to even think that way. He assured me that he has a great crew and that bad things haven't happened in a long time to his plane. As sweet as it was of him to tell me these things, it didn't help much, a little, but not much. I guess it's normal to worry about your husband/spouse (or son/daughter) in times like these. I am going to try my hardest to get that positivity back in my life. To see the glass half full rather than half empty. You see I have to do this because I now have a child to look after. She is my number one priority and I have to make her happy. I want her to see the world as a good place. I want her to know that in times like these we have to take the good out of it and roll with it. So let's see what's good about it?? The money, Nick's career, hmmm....... The money?? Oh I already said that. I am trying to use this time to think about what I want out of life. He has been asking me where I would want to live if we weren't in the military anymore? Somewhere colder!!! Truth is I don't really know. I think I want to be a teacher, but again I don't know. Maybe these next few months will enlighten me in some way. That's what I am hoping for anyway. It's challenging, but I guess I am up for it. I hope you all had a nice 4th of July. I will have to post some pics later of ours. We had a nice time. Nothing much else has been going on here. I went to a Japanese clothing store today (after dropping him off) and got three shirts. That was kind of cool until I realize that Kara's diaper had leaked onto my shirt. Yeah, that was the second time she had christened me for the day. Nothing like pee on your jeans and poop on your shirt. But I wouldn't trade those funny moments for anything. I find humor in moments like that. My sweet child was so silly today. She wouldn't wake up to tell Nick goodbye. I think she was vetoing the idea of it. As soon as we returned to the parking garage she was awake and happy. I wonder when she's going to realize her daddy is gone??? Thinking about it breaks my heart. They have a really special bond already. You can just see the joy they bring each other when he's holding her. It is truly indescribable but a beautiful thing to watch. I will miss seeing that. I can't wait to be able to introduce them back to each other. Gotta go now I am depressing myself. Hope you all had a nice weekend.

1 comment:

Terri and Bob said...

Such precious pictures of your daughter.

I know Kari from blogging. She's a dear.

I have your husband in my prayers and on my prayer list. May God protect and keep him.

Loved your blog!